Tuesday, 11 May 2010
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Things Grown Women Should NOT Wear
So to continue the series that started with "Things GROWN men should not wear".
Things GROWN women should not wear
**Side ponytails. Especially the ones that sit on top of the head. It's terrible. Side ponytails only go with eating flaming hot cheetos and playing double dutch at recess. You're grown. Get a new style (especially one that doesn't make you look like a fruit with a stem)
**Tiny short shorts. If people see you and think you forgot to put on bottoms today, then your shorts are too small. The part of your booty that is lighter than the rest of your body (because of lack of sunlight) should never be exposed if you're not 1. a stripper named Diamond or Cocoa Pleasure and 2. on the beach.
**Plastic clear heels. Once again, unless your name is Sapphire and your coworker's name is Diamonique, these should not be in your closet. They are tacky, and they will make your feet sweat. Falling out your heels in the club because of sweaty feet makes not a sexy lady.
**Uggs. These things have the prefix "Ug" in them, yet they caught on as one of the biggest trends in the past couple of years. Groupthink is a b*tch. Unless you live in the arctic circle, find some other warm shoes to wear. What kills me even more are the people who wear Uggs with shorts. REALLY?? You're just going to wear two conflicting seasons in ONE outfit? Find a mirror, sit down, and think about your life.
**Pants with words on the booty. There is no reason why someone who can drink should wear the pants that say "JUICY", "SEXY" or "BOOTYLICIOUS" on it. Or MAYBE you got drunk, went to the mall and thought it was a good idea to proclaim your level of attractiveness to the world with a booty billboard. You are grown. Go get some slacks and dark denim.
**Finger waves. First, I have beef with the amount of gel it takes to even get this style to happen. 67% of all the ProStyl brown gel in the world is used to achieve this style, and it shows. Between the fake ripples it provides, and the sheer tackiness of this style, it is a shock to me that in '08, some people still think it is a good idea to rock this. Plus, it is not the 1920s, you are NOT a flapper, and your name is not Mae West. I say no vehemently.
**Barrettes. Just as men are not allowed to rock beads, women should not be rocking those plastic barrettes that look adorable on 5 year olds. In fact, rocking a style that calls for barrettes makes you overgrown. But then again, people who want to wear barrettes will find an excuse to wear them either way. If the spirit moves you to do so, go get an exorcism.
**Hair hats. I'm not inherently against weaves and wigs. However, I am against weaves/wigs that look like hats that are made of hair. They are the ones that look like they were just placed there, and a strong gust of wind may render the wearer hairless. People, there are MANY good weaves and wigs. Find em. Wear them. Love them. (Hair hat is a phrase created by one of my BFFs).
What is sad is the fact that I felt the need to write this post. All of the above has been exhibited by an overgrown woman at one point. Ladies, we MUST do and wear better.
What say you folks? Did I miss anything??
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Comments (29)
I love Hot Cheetos. Too bad they are too unhealthy and I have to resist eating them.
Hahah! Good list!
Capri pants (unless you are a size 0). Capri's are the end result of asking yourself "let's see...what can I find that makes me look 2 feet tall and 3 feet broad?"
Weaves and clothes that are 3 sizes too small. Yeah I said it!! :P
My oldest daughter has bought me two pairs of Uggs in the last 5 years. They're adorable with jeans on a cold winter day (on my twelve year old!) but they really don't do much for me. I get told that I should dress up more but my lifestyle is filled with too many mud puddles and sitting in the grass to allow for much other than jeans.
I think your audience is too young to appreciate this! lol
I agree with all of the above.
Hahah, great list!
LOVE this blog. I am especially sick of the Ugg trend. I never thought they were cute or stylish, just horrendous.
I am guilty of still wearing capris, though (against the advice of the above).
I had to get some inconspicuous barrettes to hold my hair back when I run. Bobby pins, hairspray and those sports headbands just didn't work.
I also occasionally wear a low side ponytail (like in my avatar) because it looks good on me.
nice list :D
Don't forget anything that reveals a muffin-top. I mean, put in the work to lose some weight, then try them low riders for God's sake.
I can't see anything wrong with any of the above.
Quite frankly - what should it matter what others wear?
I love side pony tails on women - what is wrong with that? I think it is cute. Sometimes a woman just wants to play girl.
I don't do any of the above mentioned dress-behaviour - but I've got no problem with any of the above. They are not an eyesore - it's just how they desire to dress.
Good ideas. But I will say adult barrettes, those that have diamonds or something grown up actually look nice. Those plastic ones, they suck.
And booty shorts, I wonder if they forget their pants on their way out of the house.
I never got into Uggs. Haha!! I would add anything from "The Limited," "Aeropostale," or "Abercrombie and Fitch." We're past that age, and its time to "adult up" the wardrobe. Try JC Penney and Kohl's... should 30 year old women REALLY shop in the Juniors section??
@DirtyAndShaken - Good for you!
@blonde_apocalypse - Lol... maybe not - I'm certainly not a size 0 : )
I agree! I hate it when I see grown women dressed as if they're 21, when in reality they're probably around 50.
@schallerbrandon - no they're not healthy
@Aihimeko - thank you
@blonde_apocalypse - ^5, I could not agree more
@thebmillerexperience - You're so right, a lot of women fall for the one size fits all, when in fact it doesn't
@guestbrief - you're probably right
@haloed - @BecknCallGrl - thank you
@Da__Vinci - OMG, you're so right!
@bethb031409 - you sound like you've adjusted your style of things as you've gotten older, which is what we're supposed to do.
@CrystallineFigurines - I hate even going into the stores with my teen daughters while they shop.
I'm sorry but I've got a couple pretty awesome barettes, they aren't the cheap little plastic ones, and they work great when you just want to pull the top back.
By side ponytail, do you mean all off-center ponytails or do you mean pigtails? I agree with @methodElevated on the low side-ponytail; I think it can look pretty.
Really with the fingerwaves? Granted I've only worn them in a musical that took place in the 1920s...but I love them!
Sapphire and Diamonique? Haha. How about Dawan and Daotherwan?
love this! but... i have barrettes. haven't worn them in a while but i have them!
The hair hat made me laugh. I'm 25, but I still wear Uggs. I'm not sure what the age cutoff is. I don't think anyone should wear shorts as short as you described or clear plastic heels (even though when I was 16 and stupid, I was like, "they can match everything!" LOL. I didn't know they were stripper shoes. Those little colorful barrettes are for babies with not a lot of hair. I don't think even older girls should wear them. As for the side ponytails, I like them, but only the really low ones near the base of your neck below the ear.