Monday, 10 May 2010

• Things Grown Men Should NOT Wear

  There are certain things that people need to do away with when they reach a certain age. I mean, babies gotta give up their pacifiers and diapers sometimes right? Well adults need to also learn that they are old for certain things. This will turn into a series. We shall start with...
  
  Things GROWN men should not wear
  
  ** A plush bathrobe and a helmet (*cough* Bad Brains *cough*). Nothing about this is OK, and I don't care. You're not different. You're just a nerdy Trekkie who stole from the nice hotel your promoters put you up at.
  
  **A t-shirt with a plush teddy bear on it. Ain't NO reason why your grown *ss needs to be wearing a tshirt with Teddy Ruxpon on it. You are GROWN, but you have a child's toy on ur chest. You're not ironically cool. Just overgrown and juvenile.
  
  **Boxers with cartoons on it. See above.
  
  **Deep V-Neck t-shirt. It kinda irks me when I see men wearing those deep v-neck shirts without wifebeaters underneath. Men are not supposed to have cleavage.
  
  **Colored skinny jeans. The fact that men wear skinny jeans at all is slightly bothering. But then you add red, yellow and purple on top of that, and you got the LEAST macho thing I've ever seen. There are very few things less attractive than seeing a man wearing red skinny jeans (and then has the nerve to sag them). Lil Wayne, summon your people.
  
  **Cornrows. My belief is that no man over the age of 18 should be rocking cornrows. Fine. To be nice, I'll even say 22. I'll let you rock them braids until you get out of Undergrad. But what is not the business, is seeing GROWN men with cornrows. I was walking down the street and saw a very dapper man in a nice pinstripe suit with clean Kenneth Cole wingtips. Then I look up and he was rocking those jail braids that go straight back. I got upset. It messed up that outfit so serious!! Grow up. Cut em off.
  
  Sidenote: Cornrows do not refer to locs. I actually think those are sexy. As long as they aren't all natty and dirty-looking. If your locs look like a microcosm of the Amazon Rainforest, then you may need some landscaping)
  
  **Hair beads. As if cornrows are not bad enough. Rocking hair beads with them is just ridiculous, and makes men look like the Williams Sisters pre-fabulousity or *insert southern rapper name here*. You look a fool. STOP IT.
  
  And I NEVER thought I would have to say this, but grown men (or any XX chromosome-having homosapien) should NEVER EVER rock PEEP-TOE LOAFERS. Thanks to theybf.com for this picture. Andre Leon Talley is TRULY zesty for these. He looks REAL normal (minus the pleather black purse. That's not even a murse. It's a FULL on PURSE) until you look at his feet. Velvet peep toe loafers. In REAL life, Andre??? You're just gonna put on some Air Aladdins like that and think it's ok? I just won't. On a positive note, at least he was not wearing a turban or a gold cape.
  
  Some of these rules do not apply to certain people. These include:

  • Rock stars (EVERYTHING they wear is foolish so it is best to just not include them.)

  • Prince (He seems to be held by no one's rules. What other man can openly say he shops in the women's section, wears stilettos and flare leg pants, and STILL make women swoon at the sound of his Falsetto Vibrato? Not me though. I can't be with a guy that is prettier than me and whose makeup game is FIERCER than I can ever get mine.)

  • European and African Men (They seem to make their own fashion rules. Doesn't mean they don't look a mess while doing it but we just shake our heads and excuse them.)

  Have I forgotten anything? What other things should grown men stay away from at all times??
  
  Edit: People added things to my "Things Grown men should not wear" post, and I agree with every one of them.
  

  • Doo-rags, loud logos on shirts, full blow outs, grills, Man capris aka manpris, tall tees, and long tube socks w/ jeans tucked in.
    

   

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