Wednesday, 24 March 2010
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Questions on Bullying and Being Bullied
Okay I just finished watching a movie call....The Final....where a unpopular high school student named Dane, leads a group of outcasts seeking revenge on the popular kids who harassed and humiliated them for years -- and their plan includes gruesome forms of torture learned in history class and horror films. Confining the bullies at the remote house Dane inherited, the outcasts turn the tables and subject their victims to a night of grisly treatment in this gory horror flick.
In May of this year I'll have been out of high school for 20 years and for the life of me, I don't recall ever seeing or hearing of anyone getting bullied. I've heard stories from across the world of bullying happening, but I just can't relate. When in school as now, I mingled and get along with everyone. I never excluded anyone or treated them differently for any reason. I was known to throw huge parties every year and I invited kids who would be considered nerds, jocks, popular, etc. to them. I was also invited by kids from different groups to their parties and gatherings. So I just don't get it. I have three teenagers now and they befriend kids across the board as well.
Have you or do experienced bullying? Have you witnessed it? Hell have you ever bullied (and why)?
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Comments (25)
I was homeschooled (and thankful for that) so I never really was bullied. BUT...my senior year of college I was pregnant and my husband was deployed and so I was extra emotional. I had to take a freshman music class and this girl in there was determined to make my life miserable. I have NO clue why, I never said a word to her. I was 25, pregnant and she felt the need to whisper nasty things to me under her breath (slut, whore...and other lovely things). I just ignored it. Really, how immature can we get? And then one day...she actually put gum in my hair. I kept ignoring her but the next day she tried to push me down the stairs. The pushing me down the stairs was the LAST straw. I was 29 weeks pregnant and the "momma bear" came out. I whirled around and explained to her that we weren't in high school and she was 18 and could be tried as an adult if she pushed me and something happened to my baby. I chewed her out in the hall in front of pretty much the whole music department. She left me a lone then.
Two weeks later she ended up being kicked out of school for cheating. Oh karma.
Also anyone who wants some practical advice can look at this post:
http://nidan.xanga.com/721448312/defense-against-a-bully/
@XxFireXboltxX - OMG! That's just crazy and behaving like that in college no less. I'm happy you got her ass in check because she had some serious issues.
@nidan - great post!
Graduated in 2002.
I was bullied a bit on the bus in grade school. Psudo sexual harrassment of which I could do nearly nothing about and some teasing. As for high school I didn't get bullied at all. I did see a few other kids getting teased. Kids liked to yell out "fata**" or "f*g" in the hallway but not many hands were put on other kids in the name of bullying. When things got physical it usually wasn't a case of bullying and came from both sides evenly. There were a couple socially awkward kids who got quite a bit of teasing. One kid in my grade got A LOT of teasing. Usually kids laughing at him, trying to get a rise out of him, or calling him stupid.
Gay kids probably had the bullying the worst at my school. Lots of name calling. A close pal of mine in hs was gay and had quite a few female attributes and couldn't walk down a hall without hearing something. While he did jump right back with insults at them I know it was a lot of take. i can't imagine not getting a break from that sort of torture. Maybe I'm nieve but, only once did I hear about someone being beat up or threatened in a serious way in the name of bullying. Again it was a guy who was gay. He ended up sucessfully sueing the school district for allowing the bullying to go on to the point he was attacked.
I don't have any recollections of being bullied in high school. The only incident I can remember was this one girl who thought I was trying to steal her boyfriend (whom I didn't even know). She threatened to beat me up after school and I didn't take it seriously. My best friend had stayed behind after school and gave her a beat down. Being the goody two shoes I was, I had just gone straight home so I didn't know about it until the day after. I was a bit mortified but thankful, since that girl never bothered me again after that.
Those who think it doesn't exist are part of the problem.
I was bullied a bit in junior high, but didn't see any in high school.
There was a lot of bullying in my elementary school. I never put up with it. I was always defending the skinny little kids that got picked on and it came to fisticuffs often enough. When bullies came after me I did not hesitate to retaliate no matter how big the group was. I was big for my age and a martial artist, so it worked out okay for me.
In junior high some guys in my gym class got the idea that I would be an easy target. It didn't work out too well for them. People left me alone after that, but the kind of bullying in Columbine High was much more sophisticated than the old-school gang formula of evil genius and his retinue of slackjawed knuckledraggers. Bullying in high school was perpetrated mainly by the elite, the athletes and the rich kids, and their means were subtle, sinister and psychological. But the enrollment there was so huge it was easy to fall off their radars.
I was teased, but not bullied in both junior high and high school but I didn't put up with it. I did my share of bullying in junior high school, but grew out of it by high school. I didn't see the point of messing with someone unless they messed with me.
I have been bullied and have bullied others. I think at some point this is true for all. The difference is life skills that allow you to not be involved or to be in the center of bullying. Most of the time these skills are evolved or provoked at home. Our home life defines a lot about who we are. Culture, beliefs, morals, habits, etc..... When we don't learn we don't know any better. When we do learn we could move mountains.
Once in elementary school some boys held me down at the back of the bus and kissed me and pulled up my skirt to look at my underpants. Does that count? I guess that would be more in the nature of sexual assault, without the *real* assault. It made an impression, though. As far as bullying, recently a middle school teacher was fired because she punished a kid who had been picking on a littler kid for about six months. She shouldn't have taken matters into her own hands, but bullying is hard to stop in the regular ways. Boys on the school bus get their backpacks knocked out of their hands or their lunch boxes stolen all the time. Don't know about high school.
@DessertHer - that must have awful for your friend.
@shoujo - wow!
@radicalramblings - I'm more the sure it does exist, I've just never been witness to it.
@Bricker59 - sorry to hear it, my beer drinking friend.
@dirtbubble - Columbine always comes to mind, when I hear of bullying and what could happen on the flip side, like the movie I mentioned.
@Erika_Steele - not many people admit they've been a bully in the past. I think it's good that you can and it's GREAT that you stopped.
@tazic - This is so true...When we don't learn we don't know any better. A lot of people fail to realize this fact.
@ordinarybutloud - those boys that that did that to you, need their asses whipped! If that's a glimpse into their future behavior, I feel sorry for the girls that will cross paths with them.
I was just talking about political bullying.
I was antagonized verbally in elementary school, that's for sure. It felt harsh and I think it would be safe to call it bullying. Especially since I was pretty defenseless.
I was bullied pretty badly in middle school. Most of it was because I was a very tall and skinny girl on a varsity basketball, and I was good. The girls used to poke my spine and they would play a game to see who could count my ribs the fastest whenever I lifted my arms to take off my shirt in the locker room. There were days where I would come into the locker room and my stuff would be nowhere to be seen or it would be everywhere, scattered all over the floor. My homework torn. There were days they would pull my hair, since it was so long. If I ever dressed nicely at school, they would criticize me harshly. They hated me, and I hated them.
@And_I_love - political bullying has been bad for years and super crazy as of late.
@CrazyKey123 - that's a horrible thing to endure, especially from girls. Girls can just be down right evil when it suits them.
You're lucky. My life in school was literally hell from first grade, until I dropped out in my 4th year in high school. It didn't matter which school I went to, I was always made the outcast for some reason.
My kids were also bullied in school. Not to the same extent that I was, but some. Changing schools turned out to be the only solution for my youngest daughter who had bad grades right up until she started at a new school where her step mother was a teacher. That, oddly enough, afforded her some protection and her grade improved dramatically.
If you've never been bullied, nor heard of anyone that was, you led a charmed life. I'm envious. :)
Girls get picked on, guys get bullied. I went to a christian school up to 8th grade and got punched in the face at least twice. I saw a few other similar incidents, one of the kids actually had it coming.
@myfanwe - Wow! I don't know about a charmed life, just lucky enough to never have been exposed to it.
@agnophilo - wth, twice!
awww. where were you when i was in school haha. i've never made fun of anybody in school or elsewhere, just dont see a point to belittling people plus i know what it feels like. i was teased a little in school (started from junior high) but not that much in high school probably because i was quiet and kept to myself most of the time but i had my friends or people i thought were my friends than again i transferred high schools my senior year. made a lot of friends at the new high school so things were definitely better. even now, in the workforce, i dont mingle with the gossips. too busy anyway.
also, times are different. people are different. things definitely arent what they were when our parents went to school, in the states or elsewhere.
I never have experienced bullying either in my own life, and at school I really didn't see that much either. I do think it is awful that this does happen all across the country though. No person deserves to be treated this way.
I was bullied to the point where I was thinking of suicide by the time I was in 4th grade, even though I didn't understand what my thoughts meant (and I hid my thoughts/pictures from others, I thought I would get into trouble) I just knew I wanted to "go away". I was teased relentlessly, for everything from my glasses to my weight, and I wasn't even overweight!! By the time I got to middle school, even teachers made fun of me and let it go on, so when I hit high school I was so jaded, I just banded with another group of outcasts similar to me and fought back the only way I could: my brains. It struck me that even though I was teased, I was intellectually superior to my tormentors and could twist their minds up in a jumble so fast it gave me time to get away and hide.
My parents loved me, my friends loved me, and I found solace in REAL teachers that loved my willingness to learn, and not be a bother in class.
Your story reminds me of some people I knew back in high school, part of the "In-Crowd" but kind, and never willing to jump in if someone was being teased, and sometimes bailing someone out if they were getting picked on.
Not everyone who is bullied turns out jaded, sarcastic, and mean, but I can tell you that it takes a long time to get over it. I thank God that I went to (community) college and found a whole new experience where your looks and what sport you played don't matter. It's do well in the class, or you've wasted your money.
Being bullied scars you, but not forever, it just takes time.
@LanenKaelar - I've said this before but Wow! That's heartbreaking that it happened but that as a 4th grader it was affecting you so deeply. I believes it scars, just as if a parent said or did something to a child that stuck with them. I've always felt, that knowledge is so much more powerful than all else. I'm also happy that as you've grown your experience changed.
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Fights and bullying went with the territory when I was in school. The simplest means of putting a stop to it then was to fight it out, physically or verbally.
Kids today don't know how good they have it, they can run to teacher or their parents and they'll do all the fighting for them. It's escalated to the point of threats of legal action from the parents even if the kid doesn't want intervention or was in the wrong to begin with.
It was a very long time ago, but yeah, I was bullied one year. Fortunate for me, the guy moved away and the bullying stopped. I tried to convince the teacher it really hurt, but she said I liked the attention. It affected me for many years. Sometimes I wonder if it still does.