Monday, 15 March 2010

• Currently Beautifully Human: Words and Sounds, Vol. 2 By Jill Scott Hate On Me see related

  Jesus Had Haters. You Have Side-Eye Givers

  

  
  

   

  You know who annoys the hell out of me? People who are always talking about how they got haters. Raggedy ass people too. If I come across one more Facebook status talkin about "Haters are mad right now. They see me up there." What haters??? Up where??? Who are you? Why are you in my friends' list? 

  
  

  If your status message on Facebook is currently talking about someone hating on you, please go sit the hell down. There's no big plot against you. You're just not that important. You having a "hater" don’t mean you're a big deal. Everyone has a "hater." Yours aren't significant enough to warrant that dumb ass status message. In fact, you DON'T have haters. You have people who give you the side-eye.

  
  

  Like really. If you call yourself an adult and STAY talking about your "haters," you need a hobby. Or go cash in your 401(k) or something. You clearly need a vacay. Sorry. Adults with 401(k)s don't have time to be worried about these imaginary ass haters. They're on the TRUE grustle (grind and hustle).

  
  

  All these belligerent dummies talking about "You aint nobody unless you got a hater." If you ASPIRE to have haters because it's your way of validation, I wish a plague of Gigli marathons on you. TakeThat.! Besides fool, you don’t have any BENEFITS! What are folks hating on? The next person to talk about them having haters better have a stock portfolio or an IRA acct. If not, they need to shut the f**k up. All the folks with statuses talking about "haters" don't even own property. Their credit score is probably their weight. They probably couldn’t even get a Rush Card. B**thPLEASE

  
  

  What's even worse is when people say "Even Jesus had haters." I just wanna roundhouse kick them in the thoat (yes, THOAT). Only thing they got in common with Christ is ATOMIC MAKEUP. Yes, Jesus had haters, but YOU don't. You just got people who don't give four damns about your life so you're mad. There's a difference.

  
  

  Jesus had haters. YOU ain't got haters. You got folks who call you out on your HoShyt and hoodrattedness. There's a distinction. Judas was a hater. The dude in the club that was hitting on your woman is NOT a hater. A slore, maybe. A hater? Naw.

  
  

  Jesus is probably somewhere like "I wish these folks could know what having a TRUE hater was like. They NAILED ME ON A CROSS! You fools ain't got haters. My hater got me CRUCIFIED! Yours got your name scratched off the club VIP list. My hater made me wear a crown of thorns! Thou shalt shut up."

  
  

  Everyone has a naysayer. Everyone doesn't have a "hater." To have a hater, you gotta actually be... how can I say this... DOING SOMETHING. MLK Jr. and the Black Panther had haters. You just got folks who are apathetic about your mediocre life. The following people also had haters: Joan of Arc, JFK, Archduke Ferdinand, Bobby Seals, Assata Shakur. You don't have a hater. You just got people who couldn’t care LESS about your subpar-hood, and find your ratchetness to be ridiculous. Please know they are separate entities.

  
  

  People who think they got "haters" watching them have seen the Truman Show one too many times. Your life ain't THAT interesting. People who focus on their "haters" have my side-eye on 10! For you to have a hater, your mama can't be the only person who thinks you're dope. She don’t count. OTHERS must give a damn too. Just Saying

  
  

  The following people are disqualified from ever saying they have "haters:"

  • If u need a co-signer to get a PayDay loan, u don’t qualify as having "haters." You need good credit to have a hater. Yep It’s True

  • If you got a myspace page talking about "I got haters" please press ctrl, alt, del and forcefully log off the web.

  • If you're a grown man still living w/ your mama. You ain't got haters. You got people who are CONCERNED about your social development because something's wrong.

  • If you're a grown woman with dunlap syndrome (your stomach dun lapped over your belt) STILL wearing low ride jeans and cropped tops, you don't have haters. Just folks who feel visually offended.

  • If you have multiple baby mamas in the SAME YEAR, you don't have haters. You have folks concerned about public health because you don't use condoms. Ghetto twins are NOT what's lukewarm in the boulevard.

  • If the ONLY job you got pays you by cash, you don't have haters. You have people wondering why your grown ass don't wanna leave a trace. 

  • If you call yourself a business man, but don’t nobody know what you do like Tommy from Martin, you ain't got haters. You got inquisitors.

  • If you're always rocking Louis Vuitton but still sleeping on your BFF's couch, you don’t have haters. You got folks concerned about your unbalanced economics.

  • If you're a grown woman calling yourself "Barbie," you don't have haters. You have people who are perplexed about your maturity, and wondering what stage on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs you're stuck on.

  
  

  If any of the above applies to you, you are not allowed to talk about having "haters" because they don't exist. You just have an overactive imagination and watched too much Barney growing up. Go sit down and quit harping on these "haters" you ain't got. Maybe if you cared less about these haters, you'd have something to hate on. POW!

  
  

  There are few things more annoying than someone whose life is PERMEATED by mediocrity, thinking they're important enough for haters.

  
  

  
  
  
  

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